saas bahu and beta

I went on a bachelor party of a dear friend and all of us ganged up on the bachelor guy on post marriage life chaos. We ended up showing off all the fundaes on various problems, one of them being saas bahu and beta - the unsolvable emotional drama. Poor chap might have got cold feet but rest of us were doing what we do best - problem solving and giving gyaan :P

So here is the gyaan in concise format on dos and donts. This doesn't solve the problem, only reduces the pain :) Read it with a pinch of salt and with satirical humor.

Minimize dramas

1. Minimize opportunity of dramas - There are two extreme lifestyles - live in a joint family or go nuclear with minimum connectivity. In the former way, chances of dramas are more but you have more support as a family to take care of each other's needs. In the later case, dramas won't be there but also connection between individuals gets loosen up. You need to figure out the right balance depending on the individual personalities. Clearly your goal is to remain connected and to take care of each other and also live life peacefully without daily dramas
1. Tip - Kitchen in a joint family is the most happening place
2. Let go of non-critical arguments / dramas - There will always be certain disagreements no matter what you do. You can not pick each one of them as it will drain you out emotionally. So you selectively pick the arguments if you feel emotional drainage is worth for the greater good. Most of such picks are based on fundamentals of life such as considering both (husband's/wife's) set of parents equal, etc. You let go low impactful / low repeat arguments such as this room should be painted red, etc.
3. Create common protocols and set expectations beforehand - Once an argument starts, reaching to a clean solution is very tough. You need to define protocols in advance, set expectation of everyone and then run by these protocols. Setting expectations before argument have more impact than doing the same after argument. Protocols such as how much money to be spent in gifting each year, where would you like to celebrate most of the festivals, etc should be pre-defined.
4. Sincerely do your part - Every relationship has fair expectations and you need to consciously be aware of them and then do them. This saves others from feeling insecure. For e.g. as a son you need to ensure that your parents / wife have a safe / comfortable adobe, etc.

Prepare yourself for dramas

1. Disagreements will happen! - Accept the disagreements as part of life. Be mentally prepared and chew your gum in high tense situations. Don't lose your temper and chill :)
2. Right / wrong are perceptions - let go of attitude that right thing should happen - In case of disagreements, different people have different stands as per their own context and accordingly everyone has its own right / wrong. Even if your are logically thinking, don't conclude that you will be right. It is all a gray world and there are few black and white answers.

Lower the impact of dramas

1. Be the devil for your set of parents - Too complicated to explain in words, hope you got the idea :P
2. Don't get involved between two individuals - Don't mediate in day to day minor things. Nothing good comes out of it

All the best! What matters the most is that everyone is happy to be the best possible extent.